On Friday I wrote about six words college athletes said they wanted to hear from their parents: I Love to Watch You Play. If you missed it, the short version is that the sentence doesn’t mention the score, and that’s what makes it work.
Here’s what I saved for today. Saying the sentence is the easy part.
You say it: “I love to watch you play.” She might nod, shrug, or keep looking at her phone. The car starts, and suddenly an unexpected silence falls. You feel the urge to fill it.
This is the moment that decides whether she believes you.
If you follow a loving sentence with a question about the third set, she’ll know which one you really meant. That’s just my experience, but I’ve seen it happen often enough to believe it. The six words open the door. What you do in the next thirty seconds shows her if you meant it.
So your follow-up should be just as simple. In my car, I ask, “Are you hungry?” It’s not a trick — just a question with no score attached. She can answer with one word and decide if she wants to talk more. If she does, she’ll let me know. If not, we drive the rest of the way quietly.
That’s what happens on a normal night. But then there’s the night you’ve been dreading. She gets in, closes the door, looks straight ahead, and says it:
“I played terrible.”
You want to jump in. You want to correct her, point out the good things you saw, say it wasn’t that bad, blame the ref, or promise she’ll do better next week.
But don’t do it. Not yet.
I’m a sports parent, same as you — I just read the science so you don’t have to, then hand it back as something you can use by the weekend. Free every Friday. A paid tool every Sunday. However you read The Drive Home, I’m glad you’re here.
Not a paid subscriber yet? Paid subscribers get the Sunday tools, like the one below.
Everything above explains the reason, and it’s yours to use. If you know a parent who’s ever started a car ride with a question about the third set, please share this with them.
Below is the what:
The Six-Word Card: a one-page printable you can keep in the glovebox
When to say the six words, and how to say them so they don’t sound like a technique
The question to ask right after, and two backups
What to say when she answers, “I played terrible,” in four steps
The words that cancel the sentence, and when to skip it altogether
When to put the card down and be the harbor
That’s the equip layer, for paid subscribers.
